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Posted: Tue Jul 25, 2017 6:04 am
by Random User
Damn dude. Just saw this. Hope you're doing better upon waking up, that sounds like a really hellish situation. We're always here to listen and help how we can.

Posted: Tue Jul 25, 2017 1:51 pm
by ScottyMcGee
Hang in there! If you don't believe in yourself then believe in me who believes in you!

One thing I like to do when life gets me down is discover something new. Anything - anything at all. Just keep exploring the universe. Help is around everywhere.

Posted: Tue Jul 25, 2017 9:27 pm
by Jesus
I am feeling a bit better today. I am going to work toward the goal of being on my own again. My older siblings have said I should probably go after my ex for what she stole, but that'd be too much of a pain. I threw down so much on trying to help her on that front. (Think I have a post about her cell phone previously on here as record) As long as I can get to that goal within a year and have my student loans paid off too, I plan to move as far away as possible. What I'd love to do is move away to an island of seclusion and live self sufficiently off the grid. That's not entirely feasible nor realistic though. I need to be around people who make me happy......

Posted: Tue Jul 25, 2017 9:29 pm
by ScottyMcGee
I heard of a guy who lives in Costa Rica who lives off the grid because he made his own solar panels. Something like that. It's not entirely out of the question - just a matter of patience and learning.

Posted: Tue Jul 25, 2017 9:49 pm
by United Nations
I don't really have too much to say...honestly, because this topic hits close to home, but I will say I'm glad you're doing better. Please seek professional help soon.

Also, you've mentioned student loan debt. I understand how daunting it is, trust me, but it's not the end of the world. Just make sure you keep up with your payments and you'll be fine. Plan it into your budget, know that you'll have less spending money each month but it's not crippling.

Posted: Tue Jul 25, 2017 10:48 pm
by Apollo the Just
I'm sorry I missed this topic until now.

I'm so glad you felt comfortable opening up and talking about this here. It really sounds like you've been going through some ****... and having an outlet and people to listen is so important, so please keep us updated to whatever extent you feel ok with. We are here to listen.

Whenever you have a better day, remember the things that refresh and comfort you. They can be small. But those tiny happinesses that your circumstances permit you, never forget those and in your darkest moments remember that there are times - that may feel unattainable - where things aren't as bad.

I know these words don't help when you're in a dark place. I encourage you to seek out a therapist because they can help you in ways I can't. Please take care of yourself first and foremost.

Posted: Wed Jul 26, 2017 12:59 am
by Saria Dragon of the Rain Wilds
You've been through a lot. You've been trying hard to succeed, every step of the way. It's completely understandable that you're struggling under the weight of all this. I can assure you that the feeling of darkness and pressure will not last forever. There will be a time in your future where these challenges will have lessened.

I want to go over the thoughts you've shared with us individually, and see if we can explore ways you can try and move forward from the point you're currently at. I know you feel overrun by your situation. We can look at your concerns as to gather information and resources so you're equipped to do what's best for you.

You've said that your family are a big strain on your mental health. You've moved back in with your mother and younger brother, and their behaviours are causing you serious problems. Your brother has been dishonest, and you can't defend yourself from his accusations.

To me, this says you absolutely need to make leaving that house a priority. I really believe that removing yourself from the stress and toxicity of your mother's house will be the biggest immediate improvement you can make.

What are your options for finding a new place of your own? Can you afford rent with your current income? Is making a big move interstate, like you've mentioned, something you are prepared to look into? You've said you don't have friends, but have mentioned some positive relationship with both coworkers and older siblings. Can you speak to any of them about being a housemate, even as a temporary measure? Are there backpacker hostels or other affordable accommodation that you could stay at for your own emotional safety until another residence can be found?

I'm sorry if all those questions are overwhelming. I just want to try and offer perspective, and find suggestions for what might be possible.

After the housing situation, you've talked about other concerns. Those can also be looked into.

You've mentioned working in fields unrelated to your degree. Do you want to change that? Are you happy at work? Since you get along with your coworkers, perhaps the job security and positive interactions are more worthwhile that utilising your education. Or, perhaps this is just something good to do for the time being, while you aim towards switching professions. Lots of people don't use their degree in employment, once all is said and done. It depends on what you want to do.

Making financial claims against your ex sounds very draining, both emotionally, in time, and potentially in money for lawyers or court fees. I don't know how much benefit you might receive, if any, from going down that road. If you do want to seek recompense, please first look into legal advice from someone who can give you a real idea of what you might have to undertake, and what the potential outcomes would be.

Your student debt sounds like another big worry for you. Do you have the option of declaring bankruptcy? Have you laid out a budget for yourself to pay it off? If not, take some time to sit down and work out your income, necessary outgoing expenses, and what your minimum beneficial repayments would be. Can you afford to put more towards it? Can you delay repaying the loans, instead redirecting some of that money to bettering your current housing/work situation? What do you want from this, and what options are within your scope?

Again, I'm sorry if all the asking just makes these things feel bigger. Please continue to share with us. Talk through your emotions and your experiences. If you want more input, I'm around. Other members might have more personal experience with things like the student loans, and they might be able to offer other insights into what they're doing to cope. Others might also be able to relate to how they've found housing or employment.

Things will get better.

Please try and get out of the toxic environment as soon as possible.

Thank you for trusting us. <3

Posted: Thu Jul 27, 2017 2:01 am
by Heroine of the Dragon
[USER=16999]@Jesus[/USER] How are you?

Posted: Thu Jul 27, 2017 2:30 pm
by smol Kat
The downside to student loan debt is that even if you do declare bankruptcy, that doesn't absolve you of that debt. However, in terms of your overall creditworthiness for finding a new place and so on, it's considered "good debt." My income is weird and my situation applies to literally nobody here, but that's an important thing to know.

I do agree that your first priority should be to find another place. Take it step by step!

And as far as employment, I actually got my degree so that I could work in (well, more or less) whatever field I wanted. The thing with a degree like mine is it's really versatile and a lot of employers are looking for transferable skills that I in fact have gained from my education (and also my varied skill set). So basically, just find something you enjoy that you can earn a living doing! I'm not a translator or ESL teacher, for instance, and that's okay.

Posted: Thu Jul 27, 2017 11:53 pm
by е и ժ е я
Hey mate, I like to give you a good ribbing as I do anyone who catches my attention because I'm a bf (bad frog), but I just wanted to say that I care if you're okay and I hope you will take the time to let us know where you're at and how you're doing sometime soon. <3

Posted: Sun Jul 30, 2017 7:35 pm
by Jesus
I'm still doing okay. I have refocused myself to keep trying. Where I live it isn't easy but I'll get there. I know I have my older siblings who can help me out worst case. As for my degree, it's technical so it's pretty limited but not a lot of people can do what I do so that's the upside. But it's not even the money or anything like that. It's the lack of help and how my only parent left looks at her children as opportunities rather than actual relatives. I'm basically trapped and she loves it and wants to keep it that way. My older siblings got out okay and they agree with me. Especially my older sister. I was close when I was with my girlfriend but she cheated me hard which hurts. I'm not going to take her to court over all of those lost expenses.

Posted: Sun Jul 30, 2017 8:23 pm
by Marilink
Glad to hear from you again, man. The situation still sounds pretty rough, but it's great that you're going at it with new resolve. It sounds like your older siblings might be a good support system as you're going through all of this, if they agree with you in the matter with your mom.

Wishing you all the best going forward.

Posted: Sun Jul 30, 2017 9:31 pm
by monstrman
I lurk

but I also watch and listen

it is not over as long as you have at least a little fight left

Posted: Mon Jul 31, 2017 7:10 am
by Heroine of the Dragon
Good to hear from you and see you are taking steps, Jesus. Be sure to keep in contact with your siblings and if possible, get their support and advice on moving as soon as you possibly can.

Sometimes just walking away (from the ex) is all you can do. Try to deal with debt methodically... be sure to factor it in to your budget. If you need financial advice, don't be afraid to talk to the departments that have your debt.

Take care and we're always here.

Posted: Tue Aug 01, 2017 8:08 am
by е и ժ е я
I'm glad you're still with us, bud. Take it easy on yourself, do the things you can do to affect change and try to enjoy what you find enjoyable. Life can't change all at once but trying new approaches to things and rethinking your own perspective can open new doors and so on. I do think that anyone like your siblings who sound sympathetic might be a good place to try to build a bond. If you can do something nice for others to show that you care for their companionship, that's always a good place to start.

Someone I know and care about very much was only recently really freed from his manipulative parent, but all of the things he does will have to be re-thought now and for quite some time before he accepts people as they truly are and isn't constantly having to be concerned about the pitfalls that relationship taught him to fear. I'm lucky in that I've always had caring parents, but even the ones who do care can often show it in confusing and destructive ways. People can be hell, but take every experience as the individual instance it truly is - your perception of the norms and so on can be rewritten if you allow them to be.

And hey, I know there's a lot of ways to take this the wrong way, but thanks for opening up. We might just be some internet losers but that shows a lot of trust and I appreciate the effort it takes to do that.

VGF people have done a lot of good for me over the years, directly and otherwise. The people we have here favor positive interaction and showed me that I could be appreciated for who I am and not just what I do for someone.