Eluvium - Radio Ballet
I've had a rough few weeks. My anxiety is at the point where I've started having panic attacks, which I've never had before recently. I can't help but get constantly wrapped up in the constant stream of bad news and bulls*** in the world, even in the places I go to seek release. I'm having a harder time putting myself out there for job opportunities because I'm getting into my own head trying to convince myself it's no use.
I've had good moments, and even good days in this timeframe, largely when I can find something to completely distract myself from the bulls***. I'm eating better, going outside more, checking in on friends more, pushing myself to write more even if it's not for financial gain. But those feelings of accomplishment or joy are fleeting, and then I get wrapped up in anger, disappointment, sadness, depression once again.
I got wrapped up in bulls*** and anger again tonight. I was on the verge of another panic attack. I had to stop what I was doing, turn on a record, and do some deep breathing.
That record I turned on was Eluvium's 2007 ambient masterpiece Copia.
It's been a favorite album of mine to listen to while unwinding since I was in high school. There are multiple songs that stand out to me, but few things bring me peace like when I listen to "Radio Ballet." It's such a beautiful track, one that has brought me countless times a sense of calm that I didn't know I could achieve.