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CH-CHOOSE A WEAPON

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X-3
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CH-CHOOSE A WEAPON

Post by X-3 » Fri Apr 14, 2017 4:48 pm

One day, you wake up to find yourself in Fantasy Land. There, a wizard tells you that the land is beset by demons, and you must join the fight for the good of humanity. He allows you to choose from one of these mystical anti-demon weapons. While these weapons need to be occasionally maintained to remain at full power, they will never break. Additionally, simply wielding one of these weapons will give you basic competency with them, so you won't need to take a course on how to use a bow. Which one will you choose?

Vanilla Sword
This sword is alright. There's really no obvious drawbacks, and it gets the job done very efficiently. However, you will get bored of it pretty quickly and wish you could use something else. Thus, you'll never really be satisfied.

Giant Demon Axe
This axe houses the soul of a demon, giving it extraordinary strength. With a swing of this weapon, you can very easily lift a house-sized demon into the air. However, the demon will constantly talk **** to you, and he's good at it. If he gets under your skin, the Axe will magically become heavier and heavier until it crushes you. Stay motivated or die!

Holy Mace of Oblivion
This mace was anointed by the Church of Fantasy Land, giving it good strength in addition to some magical abilities. Wielding it will earn you the respect of all. However, you must be utterly devoted to the cause of the Church to keep wielding the weapon, else it will magically summon guards to arrest you for heresy. The cause of the Church includes killing heretics, fasting, praying, being creepily nice to others, donating 80% of your funds to the Church and other such activities.

Dual Katanas of the Black Dust
These dual katanas are so sharp that even the air bleeds. With these blades, you can attack really fast and do a whack spinning technique that's stupidly strong. However, these blades are terrible at blocking, require constant maintenance, and struggle against armored demons.

Jörmungandr, the Strong but Balanced Spear of Champions
SOLD OUT

Massive Turtle Shield
This shield bestows absolute defense to whoever wields it, and it's heavy enough that slamming it into a demon hurts them a lot. However, your foes will grow so tired of your defensive fighting style that they'll start to ignore you or leave. Because of this, work will be harder to find.

Johnny's Knife
A weapon that pales compared to other weapons. It was forged by some guy some day for some reason. With this weapon, it takes tremendous effort to slay a rabbit. However, if you wield this weapon and slay demons, your accomplishes will become legend. Even the death of an imp will lead to a ballad.

Staff of Staticus Maximus
This staff has no combat capabilities, not even defensively. The proper way to use it is to wear it on your back, as it magically make your punch much harder, and faster too. However, your ability to dodge will be hampered by having a giant stick on your back, which means your only means of defense is punching things at just the right time. If you get the timing wrong you'll probably break your wrist or get murdered, whatever comes first.

Bow of
The creator of this weapon was slain by angry elves before he could name it. His crime was cutting down their trees to make this exceptional ranged weapon. You cannot name this weapon, or his ghost will rise up and kill you. While you will have to pay out of the pocket for arrows, this bow will enhance them drastically when you fire them. If demons get too close for comfort, you'll have to improvise. Don't worry about the elves, they went extinct.

Ancient Gun of the Great Ancients
This mythical weapon was forged out of a sacred coconut, and can fire less-sacred coconuts in spurts. If it shoots a demon, it's going to hurt. However, coconuts are very rare and very pricey, making this weapon rather stressful to actually use. Keep your wallet in check!

Tome of Gafriyada
This book summons and controls the parrot-dog familiar known as Gafriyada. It can use magic and stuff, which is pretty handy. Gafriyada has massive self-esteem issues, and will often contemplate the meaning of existence. If you don't give it food and constant pep-talks, it will hide out in its book. On the other hand, if it gets too confident it'll leave you for someone with more affluence and money. Also, when you use this weapon all you do is stand and hold it open, so you won't get much exercise if you're looking for that.

Easeemodus, Blade of the Forsaken King
This 2-handed sword is the ultimate weapon. It has the perfect weight, speed and strength, and can shoot lasers at will. Even a chumpion can become a champion with this weapon. However, if you use it no one ever will love or respect you, and you will die young and poor.

No Choice
You turn down the wizard's offer, choosing instead to rely on the tools of man. You now have access to any normal man-made weapon, potentially giving you a massive variety to choose from. However, these weapons will break after being used about 5 times, and nothing can prevent this. You won't get far.

Take Me Home Wizard
You end up marrying the wizard, becoming a stay-home husband or wife. Your security will be ensured, but you will have to clean his clothes and make stupid food for him to eat.

Choose wisely!

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Post by I am nobody » Fri Apr 14, 2017 5:10 pm

Massive Turtle Shield, hands down. Work won't be hard to find at all, because I have so many choices:

A. Rescue towns besieged by demons by frustrating the demons until they leave. If any just ignore me, I'll bash their heads in with by shield.
B. If reliably driving demons away is somehow not a career in this world, I'll just get paid to be the ultimate body or vault guard by standing in front of things.
C. If being the ultimate guard is also somehow not a career in this nonsense world, I'll just take a page from Snorlax and be in the way until people pay me to move.

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Post by Apollo the Just » Fri Apr 14, 2017 6:37 pm

Giant demon axe for sure. I'll get a whole character arc about befriending the demon after a lot of emotional strife.
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Post by Marilink » Fri Apr 14, 2017 7:45 pm

I feel like the Bow of is really my style. I don't need to name it, that's fine. I'll pay for arrows, and maybe reuse some if possible. I could probably whack people with it if they get close, too, if the weapons really never break. It'll at least buy me time to back out and get to a good range again, right?
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Post by Valigarmander » Sat Apr 15, 2017 2:25 am

Take Me Home Wizard.

>implying you wouldn't want a handsome wizard husbando

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Post by I REALLY HATE POKEMON! » Sat Apr 15, 2017 2:51 am

Vanilla Sword. I don't require excitement nor satisfaction, just results.

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Post by United Nations » Sat Apr 15, 2017 8:41 am

Tome of Gafriyada

As a teacher, I have to motivate and give pep talks to students every day. This seems like it's my style. Plus no exercise, so that's a nice bonus.

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Post by Random User » Sat Apr 15, 2017 10:32 am

Definitely taking Johnny's Knife.

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Post by SmoothOperator » Sat May 13, 2017 8:02 pm

Holy Mace of Oblivion

Fasting? pfft I don't need food! Eating is for wimps!
Praying? Easy, I'll just talk about my living circumstances in a positive manner, and say "Thank you" at random intervals.
Being warm and affectionate to strangers? I do that ALL the time!
Donating money? Boy, I don't even know what a "money" is! Take it, Take it alllll!

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Post by Bomby » Sat May 13, 2017 9:33 pm

Image

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Post by ScottyMcGee » Mon May 15, 2017 2:17 pm

[QUOTE="X-3, post: 1627686, member: 27765"]
Vanilla Sword
This sword is alright. There's really no obvious drawbacks, and it gets the job done very efficiently. However, you will get bored of it pretty quickly and wish you could use something else. Thus, you'll never really be satisfied.
[/QUOTE]

This is a metaphor for my life in nearly every aspect possible.
SUPER FIGHTING ROBOT

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Post by smol Kat » Sat Jun 03, 2017 8:55 pm

the one that generates the least amount of clank
Katanas.
Do you know how much you mean to me
Why must you leave~?

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Post by MeowMan » Mon Jul 03, 2017 3:13 pm

I'd take the Bow of, name it, be killed by the ghost, and join him in haunting the bow.

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Post by е и ժ е я » Sun Jul 09, 2017 2:26 pm

Test of Coconut
I muttered 'light as a board, stiff as a feather' for 2 days straight and now I've ascended, ;aughing at olympus and zeus is crying

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Post by Nomyt » Mon Jul 24, 2017 7:46 pm

Staff, if I'm going in from this life to that world and still retaining my skills in this life. I'm still heavily training in Martial Arts, and one of our skills is to learn the best places to strike, and striking in places that are unlikely to be armoured (although, that's assuming the demons would be of similar skeletal structure and have similar armoury, also I would have to see how fast my fists could actually strike.)

Also, what would be the view on using the demons own weapons against them (if they had any? Because if so I'll take no choice instead. I'm a dab hand with most weapons, or figuring out how to use something as a weapon.)
Peace and Love X

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