So, you're a Jedi...

Moderator: Heroine of the Dragon

What colour is your lightsaber?

Rainbow (I may have created this one just for me...)
6
13%
Rainbow (I may have created this one just for me...)
6
13%
Rainbow (I may have created this one just for me...)
4
9%
Rainbow (I may have created this one just for me...)
7
15%
Rainbow (I may have created this one just for me...)
4
9%
Rainbow (I may have created this one just for me...)
3
6%
Rainbow (I may have created this one just for me...)
4
9%
Rainbow (I may have created this one just for me...)
4
9%
Rainbow (I may have created this one just for me...)
3
6%
Rainbow (I may have created this one just for me...)
6
13%
 
Total votes: 47

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Booyakasha
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Post by Booyakasha » Sat Aug 08, 2015 4:30 am

Wuff. That fight between Grievous and Obi-Wan in Ep. III...just rewatched it for the first time in a decade, and it pretty much cements my position on lightsabres.

The two of these jackasses flail away at each other with their sh*tty swords for ten minutes. Then, finally, Obi-Wan's brain turns on for a couple seconds, he picks up a gun and shoots Grievous, and Grievous dies, easy-peasy. And then Obi-Wan immediately goes stupid again, throws the gun away and says 'shooting people is barbaric, I'm going back to chopping them in half like I'm Conan of Cimmeria or something.' You know, it could be argued that cutting your enemies into bits whiles they scream in horror and agony is in fact less civilised than just shooting them in the head.

Never even minding how inefficient and tactically unsound the swordy bullsh*t is in comparison to carrying a gun. Like, one wouldn't have to do a tithe as many backflips. Doc Holliday did pretty good against The Cowboys in 'Tombstone' just using guns, and he didn't do handsprings or twirl about like a fairy mary. Ash didn't do a single girly pirhouette through all 'Evil Dead II' or 'Army of Darkness'. How much flamboyant prancing did John Rambo do when he was machine-gunning the Cong into hamburger in 'First Blood II', again?

There is not one battle in the prequel saga that couldn't have been solved with the deployment of an EMP (or, even better, by sending in some specialised commando unit to assassinate the entirety of the Trade Federation leadership). Could there possibly be a worse choice of leadership for your side in an interstellar space war than guys who run around with swords? Guys who'd rather have a one-on-one melee battle with the opposing general than just carpet-bomb the enemy's command centers? If I were a clone-trooper, I think I'd rather serve under some borderline-psychopath who deployed napalm with malicious glee than any of them Jedi f*ckwits. Think I'd be a lot more likely to survive.
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Post by Kil'jaeden » Sat Aug 08, 2015 11:17 am

^The guy running the war on both sides, the future Emperor, would not have benefited from a quick conflict. He contrived a prolonged conflict so he could gain extraordinary legal powers under a republic. He also spent all that time subverting the Jedi. It turns out that the Jedi leading like they did made it easier for so many of them to just be shot in the back like he wanted them to be. This is my explanation for the inefficiency, anyway.

If you think about it, the whole idea of a conflict where both sides mass produce soldiers (drones and clones) makes it necessary to strike at production facilities. You don't see a lot of that happening on either side, or at least, no one seems to talk about this obvious point. In fact, outside of battlefields and space battles, it looks like that two mass produced armies are out there fighting some rather meaningless battles away from all the important stuff that supports those armies. This sort of thing could drag out for a long time.

[QUOTE="Booyakasha, post: 1553467, member: 17381"]
There is not one battle in the prequel saga that couldn't have been solved with the deployment of an EMP (or, even better, by sending in some specialised commando unit to assassinate the entirety of the Trade Federation leadership).[/QUOTE]

Again, you have two mass produced armies fighting rather pointless battles that do little to effect the ability of those armies to keep going. The war is run by the same guy on both sides, who also happens to be a Sith. This sort of thing could be kept going for as long as the one behind it wanted it to. In fact, the one behind it does more or less what you say would be smart; have the Trade Federation leadership assassinated. As soon as he no longer needs the war, he ends it easily by sending Anakin to kill them.

Last point, guns are for the lowly masses. Elite warriors called knights that are basically warrior monks with psychic powers are just so much cooler with beam swords. Besides, when you can deflect bullets and pick things up with a thought, what do you need guns for? There are thousands of rank and file to carry those things. They would be better off teaching some actual tactics to their rank and file, like cover, shooting to actually hit an enemy, and not standing around in big block formations in open areas like it is the Napoleonic Wars.
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Post by ScottyMcGee » Sun Aug 09, 2015 8:36 am

I'm pretty sure that scene with Obi-wan was to reference Episode IV where he introduces Luke to the lightsaber and says "Not as clumsy as a blaster" and something like "a weapon for a more civilized age". As much as I like Obi-wan, it was implied he was kind of a pompous douche. Maybe it could have been better illustrated in another scene than the drawn-out Grievous battle. I've been meaning to watch III again to really scrutinize it.
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Post by Valigarmander » Fri Aug 14, 2015 2:39 am

One of the things that bugged me the most about TPM is how Boss Nass was so quick to promote Jar Jar, a recently-exiled moron with zero combat experience, to the rank of general ahead of the Battle of Naboo. It seemed like such an unforgivably stupid thing for Nass to do. Yet I was pondering it at work today... what if the whole thing was just a Uriah gambit, with Boss Nass sticking Jar Jar in the middle of a battle where he'd almost certainly get his dumb ass killed? He didn't actually think Jar Jar would make a good general, he was just using this opportunity to finally get rid of him for good.

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Post by Kil'jaeden » Fri Aug 14, 2015 2:41 am

More likely all of that annoying species are just very stupid. Jar Jar just happens to be the dumbest.
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Post by Booyakasha » Fri Aug 14, 2015 8:09 am

^^Ooh, and then if Jar Jar lives in spite of everything, he's bound to do a sh*tty job and lose the battle (he is a clumsy gangling nincompoop, after all)---------that gives Boss Nass an excuse to have Jar Jar court-martialed as a traitor and executed. Win-win. Man. I actually like Boss Nass a little now (I mean, for a reason other than 'voiced by Brian Blessed the cool guy', that is). I don't care if it's canon or not--------I like the idea of a prequel good guy other than Padme not being a total idiot all the time.

I mean, don't mistake me, Padme's kind of dumb. But she has ideas sometimes. She plans things. She uses subterfuge (the whole decoy thing). She and Jimmy Smits are apparently the only people in the Senate not fooled by Count Dracula's transparently-false tales of Jedi treachery (rest of them jackasses were clapping like trained seals). And let's don't forget, she uses guns. Boom-------that alone makes her smarter than any of the Jedi.
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Post by I REALLY HATE POKEMON! » Fri Aug 14, 2015 8:47 am

^ She has no choice, really.

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Post by Booyakasha » Fri Aug 14, 2015 12:20 pm

She doesn't, but the Jedi guys do. And they default to a weapon that is less useful than a gun.

I hate to refer to one of my own posts (it seems real douchey), but back around page four I pointed out how pointless a lightsabre is if you're surrounded with gun-wielding homies. You know, Padme and six or seven guys with guns would probably be a match for any of them Sith f*cks. Imagine that sh*tty swordfight in TPM if Qui-Gon and Obi-Wan hadn't been there. The big doors open, Darth Maul the idiot is standing there completely unarmed (all robed up, doesn't even have his sword to hand), and Padme goes 'shoot that ugly bastard!', and Captain Panaka's boys go nuts. Blast him six ways from Sunday. One of them throws a grenade, jibs the sumbitch altogether. Fat lot of good the lightsabre does you if you're up against non-idiots.

You know, if death is on the line, and the sole objective is victory, why would you ever meet an opponent on his own terms? I wouldn't get into a punch-up with Mike Tyson or Jackie Chan. I wouldn't cross swords with Inigo Montoya. I'd run them down with my car, or shoot them with my twelve-gauge. Remember that scene in 'Raiders' when Indy shoots that showoffy sword assh*le in the marketplace? Indy's literally smarter than all them prequel jokers put together. Ugh.
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Post by ScottyMcGee » Fri Aug 14, 2015 2:26 pm

I don't know though. The whole point of having the Force as your ally is that you are able to deflect those laser blasts 99% of the time. Technology suddenly becomes moot once your natural powers supercede them. The whole mythology of Jedi-ism revolves around letting go of trusting the material world - blasters and targeting computers and whatknot. On one hand, this presents a problem with how they actually depicted the Jedi being killed by Order 66 at the hands of laser blasts. Episode IV had Obi-wan give the assumption that there was this great hunt but in Episode III they all just got shot down overnight. On the other hand, the point was that Sidious farted such a big cloud of Sith power that all the Jedi were completely vulnerable having trusted the clone troopers, allowing them to get shot down like they were nothing.

Darth Maul was a pretty vicious guy. Dinky Naboo soldiers were no match for him. They could have shot him there but who knows what other epic Sith powers he could have used to just crush them all. He may have just been standing there but I bet if you lashed out at him he would have responded in the blink of an eye.
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Post by Booyakasha » Fri Aug 14, 2015 6:25 pm

Pfffft. Alright. So Jedi and Sith guys can deflect blaster bolts. So suppose seven (or a hundred) guys shoot at a Jedi all at once. What does he do then? Run away whilst crying and pooping his pants? Seems the only viable option.

Darth Vader soaks up a couple shots from Han like a boss champ in ESB, but Vader is a whole order of magnitude removed from these prequel dicknoses. It's pretty hard to take Maul seriously as a credible Vader-style threat. Dumb little inexperienced Obi-Wan takes him down with little enough trouble after Qui-Gon eats sh*t. Doesn't have to go nuts like Luke in RotJ to do it, neither. Not impressive.
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Post by Deku Tree » Fri Aug 14, 2015 7:25 pm

How would using a blaster help someone survive 7+ simultaneous blaster shots?

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Post by Booyakasha » Fri Aug 14, 2015 7:50 pm

Not saying it would. Saying that sword is a losing proposition in a setting loaded with firearms. Limits your attack options. Makes you ineffectual at range.

Presumably if Maul had been a gun guy he wouldn't have just stood there in the middle of the doorway and let everyone see him. Presumably he'd have picked a good ambush spot, popped up when they weren't looking and blasted the lot with his tommy gun. Filled 'em full o' holes. 'Eat lead, Jedi scum!'
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Post by I REALLY HATE POKEMON! » Fri Aug 14, 2015 7:56 pm

At the very least I think the Jedi should have guns. Like, why not both? Run into battle blasting from a distance, and then once you're in, start slashing.

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Post by Booyakasha » Fri Aug 14, 2015 8:40 pm

^Hell yeah. Luke had his gun out on Cloud City when he was going to face Vader. Force-grabbed some guy's gun in Jabba's palace before getting dumped into the rancor pit. Heck, he used that giant deck gun to blow up the sail barge. Luke the combat pragmatist. Sabre may have been his weapon of choice, but clearly he was okay with just shootin dudes, too.
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Post by Booyakasha » Wed May 24, 2017 9:20 am

[QUOTE="Booyakasha, post: 1461748, member: 17381"]han solo doesn't run around with a lazersword, and last time i checked, he hasn't got killed yet, nor even had his hand chopped off

not a lot of jedi tards you can say that about[/QUOTE]

ahahaha

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Post by Jere » Wed May 24, 2017 4:56 pm

Thinking about it Brown would be awesome
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Post by Booyakasha » Wed May 24, 2017 5:34 pm

haha jere wants a doodoo poopoo lightsaber

let's all bully him cruelly for no reason

hahaha---------nice poop-sword, you swedish person, you
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Post by Jere » Wed May 24, 2017 6:13 pm

I dunno sounds like a cool thing also it makes for great comedy.

Like you have it straped to your back and up comes this giant freaking android thingy and you stand there and see something brown come down between your legs
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Post by Booyakasha » Wed May 24, 2017 10:38 pm

...

...

...you're all right, Jere the Finn the Human.

Boo approves.
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Post by Jere » Thu May 25, 2017 1:27 am

Yes i would use a brown lightsaber to do a crap my pants joke
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