“4001 ACE (after central era), (I would say have 4001 ACE at the top of the journal entry, then "A strange village lies south. . ." begins the entry)a strange village lies south of Euclid, capital of the Holy Land. No one knows how the village got there, let alone who founded it. The common belief is that this information was simply lost to time, but there are conspiracies, rumors, that tell a completely different story. Whatever the case, the village is, or at least seems to be, very important to the Euclidean government. Every person who enters the village is required to go through multiple, rigorous security checks and the place is under constant surveillance”.
(The paragraph should break here. The above journal entry should be in italics to indicate it was a written entry. You don't strictly have to but it makes things easier and that's typically a norm.)
Mono put his journal down on his dresser, having nothing more on his mind. (I think there should be a better indication in the journal entry that it's a journal entry. At first I thought it was some opening narration. I think you should insert some of Mono's thoughts about the village Him (He, not him - if you are ever confused whether to use He/Him, She/Her, say the basic sentence out loud "Him had come to the village of Verh"?? No. So it's "He"), his wife Anne, and their daughter Amytis Glauben had come to the village of Verh for a new and better life, away from the ever increasing stress that Euclid brought with it. This was only their second day in the village, and Mono was feeling a little uneasy. Anne could see it on his face, she knew exactly how he felt.
She said calmly “I know what's going through your head, you lived your entire life in that city. I just thought I'd let you know you made the right choice. As someone who moved often in her younger years, this feeling of uneasiness is completely natural. It comes from losing that sense of familiarity with your environment. Just give it a few weeks, you'll feel right at home again”. (The period goes before the end quotation mark)
Mono said, clearly stressed “Thanks for the reassurance my love, I just feel… wrong… here. Like I wasn't meant to come here. The locals seem pretty nice, but the overbearing security bothers me. What could they possibly need this much monitoring for in a place as rural and calm as this?”. (Don't need a period there)
She tried her best to hide it, but couldn't help but sympathize with him. “I wouldn't think too hard on it, (End that sentence there. Capitalize "there's"there's probably a member of royalty living out here, and they want to keep them as safe as possible. If I'm being honest I kind of appreciate the extra security, it protects us as much as it does them”.
Mono felt calmer (Instead of calmer, I think the word "better" or "at ease" fits more. )hearing that “I guess you're right, this is the perfect place to raise a child. Speaking of which,” he yelled out “Amytis!” The young child marched into the bedroom, letting out a yawn “Yes, father?”.
He asked curiously (My comment on adverbs still stands. I think it's better to just leave it at "He asked") “How do you like it here? Do you feel better here than you did in Euclid?”. Her eyes lit up like a candle at the question “I love it here, father! It's so quiet, I never realized how loud it was before”. (Again, period goes before the end quotation mark)
Mono chuckled, “All right, that's all I wanted to know. Now get to bed, it's late!”. Amytis waddled out of the room, and with that he drifted to sleep ready to take on tomorrow.
When he awoke the next day he was surprised to find his lover (That's a weird way of putting it. You are referring to Anne but make it sound like she's more of a stranger or plaything. I know you're trying to sound romantic and flowery but it comes off different.)had already gotten out of bed. He got up himself and trudged to the kitchen. Anne and Amytis were both seated at the table eating toast. Anne held small cards in her hand that displayed words on the front with their respective definitions on the back.
Mono said “Doing a little early morning teaching I see”.
Anne paused their little game and said “I just thought I'd prepare her a little for when she eventually goes to school. I made you toast, if you're hungry”.
Mono said “Thank you, but I don't have enough time. I've got a contracted hunting job in half an hour and can't be late”.
Anne sighed “Alright, then I'll see you when you get home”.
Amytis followed up on her good bye “Bye father! Stay safe out there!”.
He threw on light clothing, grabbed his musket and left.
The hunt went swimmingly. After receiving his payment he immediately bolted home, eager to see his wife and daughter once again. When he arrived at the small home, instead if hearing the cheers of his child he heard… crying. He shouted nervously “Amytis! Where are you?”.
She thankfully answered back “Father! Father!”. She ran up and hugged him as tightly as she could.
He said “What's wrong? Where's your mother?”.
She burst into tears “They took her away father! They dragged her away!”.
His heart was gripped with fear “Who? Who took her away Amytis?”.
Mono, like his wife and daughter, had been kidnapped by the tall man with the metal mask.
He had gone to… persuade… (The dramatic ellipses doesn't fly well in novels.)the guards and hadn't noticed the tall figure looming behind him until it was far too late.
He had woken up in a startlingly empty white room. At the very least the place was well lit. The only window was on the metal door in the front of the room. Peering through the miniscule (Spelling error: minuscule)opening, he could see a hallway leading to the left and right, and what he presumed were more cells on the other side.
He shouted into the seemingly empty area before him “Hello? Is anyone there? Let us out of here!”.
To the left, he heard the voice of his daughter, sobbing “Father! Please… help me…”. Mono desperately attempted to calm his clearly shaken child “Everything is going to be OK, I'm going to get you out of there. Are you hurt? Is your mother with you?”.
She sniffled “Mother is sitting by the wall, sleeping. I'm alright, but my leg, father. It hurts…”.
Mono didn't need to see the pair to know the truth, Anne was dead. He couldn't bear to tell her this, at least not yet “I'm going to get you out of there. We're all going to get out of this alive”.
He stood from the back of the room and with all the strength he could muster, rammed into the door in a vain attempt at getting it open. This attracted the attention of somebody further down the hall, or at least he thought it did. A man with dark green eyes, dressed in the blue uniform he recognized as that of an Euclidean general with its oversized shoulder pads and cape adorned with the signature 3 roses symbol used to represent Euclid's original 3 kings and therefore Euclid itself. (That last sentence describing the uniform was a mouthful. I say cut it after "general". Then start a new sentence describing the uniform.)
Mono rammed the door one last time and shouted “You! Let us out of this god forsaken place! We're innocent!”.
The man stopped and peered through the small window “Correct. You and the people who I presume are your family are completely innocent. Do you realize where you are, however? This is not a prison my friend, you are in an experimental weapons and research facility. You and the other low lings (low lings? Unless it's some slang in this fictional universe, that's odd phrasing. I think you mean "lowlifes") are nothing but lab rats now. Don't look so down, we won't kill you right away!”.
Mono attempted to punch the man square in the face through the opening. It was a vain attempt, as the man anticipated the attack and jumped backwards before fist met face. The man said laughing, “Settle down, feisty! I didn't come here for you anyway, at least not this time”.
He walked just out of site, and Mono heard the door to his left creak open, followed by Amytis's screams. She shouted desperately “No! Father, mother! Don't let him take me away again! I'm begging you!”.
After a minute of helpless struggling, silence filled the air. The door closed, and the evil man said heartily “You can call me Beauvoir, by the way. Now If you'll excuse me, I have a conditioning ritual to attend too, au revoir!”.
Mono pounded on the door as hard as he could as he watched Beauvoir mercilessly drag his helpless child down the hallway. He let out a frustrated scream “I'll **** kill you! Damn you all to **** hell!”. He continued pounding the door until his body gave out and he collapsed on the floor in tears.
He laid there for hours, unable to comprehend everything that had just happened. He regained his strength, and rammed the door one last time, miraculously it swung open and slammed into the wall outside. (Huh. That was easy. . .)The very first thing he did was check the cell his wife and daughter had been in, low and behold (It's "lo and behold"), his wife Anne sat slumped against the wall in a pool of blood. He solemnly swore not to let the his child suffer the safe fate, they would leave this place alive. (Wouldn't Amytis notice the blood on her mother and thus realize she was dead?)In a place as large as this, how would he find her? The only thing he had to go off of was a trail of blood leading in the same direction Beauvoir had gone. It could be anyone's blood, but he didn't really have any other options, so he took the chance and followed the trail.