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Epilogue: Regression, Redemption, Revitalization.

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Artemis008
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Epilogue: Regression, Redemption, Revitalization.

Post by Artemis008 » Sun Oct 29, 2017 4:24 pm

I've decided since my next/previous project is quite large, I'd organize it all hear instead of integrating it with my general art thread. This is something I've been working on for years. This project has literally grown with me.

What is Epilogue: Regression, Redemption, Revitalization
A story detailing humanity's regression, redemption, and our revitalization after the planet is nearly destroyed. I plan to have it span many generations of people. To guide this along I've created an extensive timeline. Be warned, it is subject to change as I incorporate new ideas into the story.

Timeline thus far
Spoiler.
10,538 AD
1st cataclysm, earth is nearly destroyed by undisclosed causes.

10,540 AD
The last remnants of humanity come together and repopulate a small portion of earth.

10,556 AD
The noble family's fight over the last of earth's habitable land. This starts the first holy war.

10,570 AD
The people come to an agreement, the land is divided into 3 sections. On for each of the high family's.

10,620 AD/ 0001 ACE
The grandchildren of the high family's decide, in an effort to put the past behind them, the start of a new era. ACE or After Central Era.

45 ACE
With vastly different cultures developing between the regions they slowly become more and more hostile to each other.

70 ACE
Strange creatures begin appearing all over the land. Said to be coming the rotting world past their borders.

75 ACE
Hierosolyma attacks Euclid, causing the second holy ear to begin.

83 ACE
The second holy war ends after Hierosolyma takes Euclid's capitol. Zopyrus (prince of Euclid) and Amytis (princess of Euclid) both flee. Zopyrus escapes and takes refuge in the neighboring nation of Zion whilst Amytis is captured and sentenced to death. She escapes, and her fate is unknown.

100 ACE
Byzus, heir to Zopyrus amasses an army of refugees and takes back Euclid.

140 ACE
Byzus, his son Zopyrus II and his wife are tragically killed in a rock slide while traveling to Zion. In accordance with Byzus's will, the throne goes to Cordelia Glauben, a long time advisor and friend of the family.

150 ACE
The newly formed nation of Wallachia invades Euclid and seizes the throne. Cordelia and her daughter Imogen are separated and imprisoned. Cordelia commits suicide in her grief.

155 ACE
Imogen unites the nation's of Zion and Hierosolyma and drives out Wallachia. At only 13, Imogen is made queen of the holy land.

163 ACE
Imogen adopts a daughter if her own, Herrin Glauben.

175 ACE
Imogen goes missing, leaving the throne to Herrin.

176 ACE
Herrin reforms the government, creating the Euclid council.
Written story's thus far

Lost Legacy (Liebe's prologue)
SCRAPPED UNTIL FURTHER NOTICE
A Tripartite Nation
Coming soon :)

Artwork
Spoiler.
Image
Image
Last edited by Artemis008 on Thu Nov 09, 2017 7:28 pm, edited 1 time in total.

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ScottyMcGee
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Re: Epilogue: Regression, Redemption, Revitalization.

Post by ScottyMcGee » Thu Nov 09, 2017 10:19 am

Artemis008 wrote:
Sun Oct 29, 2017 4:24 pm
I've decided since my next/previous project is quite large, I'd organize it all hear instead of integrating it with my general art thread. This is something I've been working on for years. This project has literally grown with me.


Lost Legacy (Liebe's prologue)

Okay, first of all, you need to indent your paragraphs and space things out. You can't really indent on here but I'm separating things by how I see fit. It's much easier on the eyes.

Spoiler.
On a small hill sat a small village of no more than 30 persons. Despite this, the village was bustling with activity and never seemed to settle down. The children were playing, the fathers working, and the mothers were left with the busy work.

It was a Saturday evening when something peculiar happened, a child went missing. (So this is a common trope in writing fantasy/sci-fi. EVERYTHING WAS NORMAL UNTIL ONE DAY IT WASN'T. Of course that's how the adventure starts, how else? But in here I have little to care about a child going missing. So far you've only given us a sliver of what life was like in the village - three sentences. This is all narration so far and it's an age-old lesson in writing called "Show, Don't Tell." Don't just tell us a child went missing - show us. Make us feel and care for the child.)

The child's mother ran all through town pleading for help, "MY son! Where is my son!". The guards quickly searched every house in town of which there were 17, with no luck the child was pronounced dead.

The mother refused to give up, and decided he must be lost in the forest to the north. So she left town to search for the boy, telling no one. She was never seen again.

The next day another child vanished, this time that of the butcher. Once again the police searched all 17 homes in the village with no luck. The child was pronounced dead. People were told to only go out for things necessary to their survival.

For a time, all was well. Then it happened, only two day after the last disappearance the scream of a woman was heard to the north. It was then that the officers realized, the threat wasn't something in the town, but outside of it. With this new lead, they assembled and went north into the forest.

The people of the village anxiously awaited their return, but no one came back that night, or the next one, or the one after that. This was the last straw. They gathered every able bodied male in the village, armed them with weapons and sent them into the forest with the intention to kill whatever was in there.

None returned.

Only 7 remained. 4 women, 2 disabled men and a new born child. The last remnants of the village came together to create a plan of escape. Having mountains to the east and west meant protection from the expanding territories of Zion and Hierosolyma who use small villages like these as death camps, but that also meant they count go around the forest, they also had an ocean to the south, but there were not enough rations to make the journey.

Their only hope was to make it through the forest to Euclid, they had no other options. They packed their bags with as much as they could carry, armed themselves with the remaining weapons, and went north just as the others had done before them. The only thing separating them from Euclid was the forest, "Liebe" they had named it. The forest of love. An ironic name, considering the tragedy that had befallen the village.

As they delved further into the forest, they created a formation of sorts. (Be concise about it. Just say "they created a formation". Remove "of sorts". That's exactly what they did - no mystery about it. So you shouldn't say "of sorts".) The women armed with weapons were in the front, the lady with the new born child behind them, and the disabled men dragged behind.

Night was soon upon them, forcing them to set up camp for the night although no one slept. At day break they heard a cry for help from deeper in the forest. Not wanting to abandon somebody in need, the 3 armed women went after it. The lady with the child and the disabled men stayed behind, for safety.

Just as they began to lose hope, they heard the voice of one of the women deeper in the woods, (I noticed from here on out, you forgot to capitalize the first letter of every quote)"the coast is clear, hurry it over here!". The men followed quickly, not wanting to fall behind again. (Ah, adverbs. Adverbs and adjectives can be very easy to fall into. "The men followed quickly" Consider something like "The men bolted, leaping over the shrubberies." Something to illustrate the urgency. Think of it like a movie.) The child began crying, and the mother gently soothed it to sleep.

Something then spoke from the trees, "I thirst for the blood of a new born child, give it to me and you will be spared". Then she heard the voice of her compatriots "it'll be alright" they said "just give it the baby" they told her.

For a moment she was dumbstruck, they wouldn't say such things.

She shouted, "Your tricks do not fool me, those voices belong to you!"

It lowered it's ("its" not "it's", the latter means "it is") head from the trees. A hideous creature with a neck akin to that of a snake, but with the face of a human being. (This is an incomplete sentence. You should reorganize as "A hideous creature with a neck akin to that of a snake, but with the face of a human, lowered its head from the trees)

It said to her, "then I will kill you just as I did the rest of the villagers!"

The creature lashed out at with its fierce jaws, she jumped out of its path causing it to hit the ground with a whimper. She ran as fast as she could. The snake creature lashed out again catching her leg, tearing it off and exposing the bones and flesh. She fell to the ground in pain, a pool of blood quickly forming around her. As she breathed her last breath she witnessed a strange creature in a mask gently pick up the baby. Even if she could somehow fight it, she knew it didn't mean them harm. Then she passed into the great beyond. The snake creature didn't even notice the small figure take the child, too caught up in its own greed. When it did realize the baby was gone, it was too late. The child had already been taken to safety.
So, the problem I have with this prologue is that it's all telling and not showing. This could be interesting but we don't know anything about any of the people involved or why we should feel for them. You need to stretch it out. Give some people names. Walk us through their daily lives and through the terror they felt when the first child went missing. That way the reader can experience the mystery and terror. Simply narrating it doesn't give much of an impact.

Even though these characters die right away, there's no harm in giving them identities and personalities. Think of A Game of Thrones, the first book of the Song of Ice and Fire series by George R. R. Martin. The prologue includes characters who all die right away but they all have names and lives anyway. That way the reader can feel their pain when they die. Show us how much that mother loved her son who went missing. Did she always say goodnight to him? Read him a story?

The more you show us who these people are the more the reader can experience. Hope that helps. :D

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Artemis008
Posts: 124
Joined: Wed Jun 21, 2017 11:16 am

Re: Epilogue: Regression, Redemption, Revitalization.

Post by Artemis008 » Thu Nov 09, 2017 7:24 pm

ScottyMcGee wrote:
Thu Nov 09, 2017 10:19 am
Artemis008 wrote:
Sun Oct 29, 2017 4:24 pm
I've decided since my next/previous project is quite large, I'd organize it all hear instead of integrating it with my general art thread. This is something I've been working on for years. This project has literally grown with me.


Lost Legacy (Liebe's prologue)

Okay, first of all, you need to indent your paragraphs and space things out. You can't really indent on here but I'm separating things by how I see fit. It's much easier on the eyes.

Spoiler.
On a small hill sat a small village of no more than 30 persons. Despite this, the village was bustling with activity and never seemed to settle down. The children were playing, the fathers working, and the mothers were left with the busy work.

It was a Saturday evening when something peculiar happened, a child went missing. (So this is a common trope in writing fantasy/sci-fi. EVERYTHING WAS NORMAL UNTIL ONE DAY IT WASN'T. Of course that's how the adventure starts, how else? But in here I have little to care about a child going missing. So far you've only given us a sliver of what life was like in the village - three sentences. This is all narration so far and it's an age-old lesson in writing called "Show, Don't Tell." Don't just tell us a child went missing - show us. Make us feel and care for the child.)

The child's mother ran all through town pleading for help, "MY son! Where is my son!". The guards quickly searched every house in town of which there were 17, with no luck the child was pronounced dead.

The mother refused to give up, and decided he must be lost in the forest to the north. So she left town to search for the boy, telling no one. She was never seen again.

The next day another child vanished, this time that of the butcher. Once again the police searched all 17 homes in the village with no luck. The child was pronounced dead. People were told to only go out for things necessary to their survival.

For a time, all was well. Then it happened, only two day after the last disappearance the scream of a woman was heard to the north. It was then that the officers realized, the threat wasn't something in the town, but outside of it. With this new lead, they assembled and went north into the forest.

The people of the village anxiously awaited their return, but no one came back that night, or the next one, or the one after that. This was the last straw. They gathered every able bodied male in the village, armed them with weapons and sent them into the forest with the intention to kill whatever was in there.

None returned.

Only 7 remained. 4 women, 2 disabled men and a new born child. The last remnants of the village came together to create a plan of escape. Having mountains to the east and west meant protection from the expanding territories of Zion and Hierosolyma who use small villages like these as death camps, but that also meant they count go around the forest, they also had an ocean to the south, but there were not enough rations to make the journey.

Their only hope was to make it through the forest to Euclid, they had no other options. They packed their bags with as much as they could carry, armed themselves with the remaining weapons, and went north just as the others had done before them. The only thing separating them from Euclid was the forest, "Liebe" they had named it. The forest of love. An ironic name, considering the tragedy that had befallen the village.

As they delved further into the forest, they created a formation of sorts. (Be concise about it. Just say "they created a formation". Remove "of sorts". That's exactly what they did - no mystery about it. So you shouldn't say "of sorts".) The women armed with weapons were in the front, the lady with the new born child behind them, and the disabled men dragged behind.

Night was soon upon them, forcing them to set up camp for the night although no one slept. At day break they heard a cry for help from deeper in the forest. Not wanting to abandon somebody in need, the 3 armed women went after it. The lady with the child and the disabled men stayed behind, for safety.

Just as they began to lose hope, they heard the voice of one of the women deeper in the woods, (I noticed from here on out, you forgot to capitalize the first letter of every quote)"the coast is clear, hurry it over here!". The men followed quickly, not wanting to fall behind again. (Ah, adverbs. Adverbs and adjectives can be very easy to fall into. "The men followed quickly" Consider something like "The men bolted, leaping over the shrubberies." Something to illustrate the urgency. Think of it like a movie.) The child began crying, and the mother gently soothed it to sleep.

Something then spoke from the trees, "I thirst for the blood of a new born child, give it to me and you will be spared". Then she heard the voice of her compatriots "it'll be alright" they said "just give it the baby" they told her.

For a moment she was dumbstruck, they wouldn't say such things.

She shouted, "Your tricks do not fool me, those voices belong to you!"

It lowered it's ("its" not "it's", the latter means "it is") head from the trees. A hideous creature with a neck akin to that of a snake, but with the face of a human being. (This is an incomplete sentence. You should reorganize as "A hideous creature with a neck akin to that of a snake, but with the face of a human, lowered its head from the trees)

It said to her, "then I will kill you just as I did the rest of the villagers!"

The creature lashed out at with its fierce jaws, she jumped out of its path causing it to hit the ground with a whimper. She ran as fast as she could. The snake creature lashed out again catching her leg, tearing it off and exposing the bones and flesh. She fell to the ground in pain, a pool of blood quickly forming around her. As she breathed her last breath she witnessed a strange creature in a mask gently pick up the baby. Even if she could somehow fight it, she knew it didn't mean them harm. Then she passed into the great beyond. The snake creature didn't even notice the small figure take the child, too caught up in its own greed. When it did realize the baby was gone, it was too late. The child had already been taken to safety.
So, the problem I have with this prologue is that it's all telling and not showing. This could be interesting but we don't know anything about any of the people involved or why we should feel for them. You need to stretch it out. Give some people names. Walk us through their daily lives and through the terror they felt when the first child went missing. That way the reader can experience the mystery and terror. Simply narrating it doesn't give much of an impact.

Even though these characters die right away, there's no harm in giving them identities and personalities. Think of A Game of Thrones, the first book of the Song of Ice and Fire series by George R. R. Martin. The prologue includes characters who all die right away but they all have names and lives anyway. That way the reader can feel their pain when they die. Show us how much that mother loved her son who went missing. Did she always say goodnight to him? Read him a story?

The more you show us who these people are the more the reader can experience. Hope that helps. :D
There's actually been a change of plans, I'm scrapping the prologue entirely because I've changed certain fundamental things in the story. I'm gonna use the concept for something else, but this has gotta go. Same goes for the timeline. I'm scrapping most of it. I am going to try and take the advice given to me for future works, though.

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