NLBFT 13: The First Round

User avatar
Galefore
Posts: 9354
Joined: Tue Jan 04, 2005 2:00 am
Location: ur wildest dreems lol

#61

Post by Galefore » Sun Jun 14, 2009 5:28 pm

Aaaaaaand.... Cut.

TIME

I'll be judging this Friday, as I said. Hope you guys give me some good reading. :p

User avatar
Greenmarioman
Posts: 18104
Joined: Sat Jul 01, 2006 8:16 pm
Location: the leather club two blocks down
Contact:

#62

Post by Greenmarioman » Mon Jun 15, 2009 9:11 pm

dah

User avatar
Metal Man
Posts: 17964
Joined: Sun Apr 23, 2000 1:00 am
Location: 1592 Miles Away From Here
Contact:

#63

Post by Metal Man » Wed Jun 17, 2009 3:26 am

Wonder how all the judges are doing on reading all of these pages. ;p
Super Smash Quest: Fighting evil since 2002.

User avatar
Saria Dragon of the Rain Wilds
Administrator
Posts: 34009
Joined: Sat Jul 15, 2000 1:00 am
Location: Forteresse de Valois
Has thanked: 22 times
Been thanked: 26 times

#64

Post by Saria Dragon of the Rain Wilds » Wed Jun 17, 2009 8:32 am

Not too bad, but distractions are many and very interesting. <_<

Hoping to have this finished by later tonight or sometime tomorrow. CROSS YOUR FINGERS, FOLKS.
Nonsense, I have not yet begun to defile myself.

User avatar
Saria Dragon of the Rain Wilds
Administrator
Posts: 34009
Joined: Sat Jul 15, 2000 1:00 am
Location: Forteresse de Valois
Has thanked: 22 times
Been thanked: 26 times

#65

Post by Saria Dragon of the Rain Wilds » Fri Jun 19, 2009 9:02 am

Had a power outage (man, what's with those lately? they must be the latest cool fad at VGF or something), so I'm still working on it. Sorry, guys. Later tonight, as long as I stay awake for a suitable amount of time to get it all wrapped up.

[ps. some of these fights have been uuuuuber. [noparse] :D [/noparse]]
Nonsense, I have not yet begun to defile myself.

User avatar
Saria Dragon of the Rain Wilds
Administrator
Posts: 34009
Joined: Sat Jul 15, 2000 1:00 am
Location: Forteresse de Valois
Has thanked: 22 times
Been thanked: 26 times

#66

Post by Saria Dragon of the Rain Wilds » Fri Jun 19, 2009 1:45 pm

I want to preface this real quick with an all-round announcement:

This is the NLBFT. We're here for a pile of fighting. You have a time limit, and you know it. Don't waste a single post; use every opportunity to attack, counter-attack and give us a great display of battling. I want to see this forum painted in blood by the end of the tournament (what, too morbid?).

Also, for the newcomers:

I tend to judge based on how you fought, not necessarily how you wrote. Writing is your medium, and with good writing, your show will come to life. The Mona Lisa may have been painted, but I have seen some masterpieces done in crayon, too (ya know?). With great writing, you can have a fantastic battle, but only if you're actually throwing the punches and getting hurt (or whatever your equivalent may be ;) ). I will sometimes offer advice from a literary perspective, but it doesn't mean I took that particular aspect into account when dishing out the points.

Alpha

L007 vs. Darkness

L007: When introducing a character, give us readers a good idea of their appearance. A "blue and orange costume" could be anything, and I could easily be picturing the entire battle with Slade in a tutu. XD I would like to have seen a lot more fighting written from you, since your second post was pretty empty, but the attack you used in the third was really interesting. Good work.

5.4/10

Darkness: Backstory with an introduction is always welcome, and entertaining to boot. Your second post was a little short, and would have benefitted by more exchanges by writing both attacks and counter-attacks, though only having two posts always makes it difficult.

5.3/10

Metal Man vs. Guild/vgfian

Metal Man: I'll level with you, MM: for entertainment value and engaging storytelling, you've done awesomely overall. However, in the midst of a tournament battle, having a casual argument with bystanders ends up being a distraction from the fighting itself, and kind of dragged me out of the picture. Keep in mind that not everyone will instantly know what places like Westminster Abbey looks like, and possibly give a short description. I really do love that you acknowledge your opponent's actions by writing in the effects to begin with, as it's an integral part of battling for me. You really have a flair for fighting in the manner I like, mainly by including your opponent's counter-attacks within your own post, sustaining damage, and using innovative attacks. In the end, great stuff and keep up the good work.

7.6/10

Guild/vgfian

I can see you've put a lot of effort into your posts. When describing your weapons, try and avoid comparing them to pre-existing items from games, etc. I personally haven't played Kingdom Hearts, so I don't know what an "Ultima Keyblade" looks like without having to do a search online. Try and give more details on how things look, and what actions you perform. Also, be careful to make sure you always show when text is dialogue, either by putting the words into quotation marks, or your preferred method of putting the name first [Bryan: Like this, dude!]. A couple of times you missed that, and it got very confusing for a minute. Good work on your interesting attacks, just try to put a little more time into describing your action (you could say something like, "Bryan wrote in the air with his fingertips, casting a magic ward on Metal Man"). Make sure you acknowledge the damage your opponent has dealt you. Well done.

5.5/10

IRHP vs. Weegee

IRHP: You restricted your battle to three shots here, four shots there, and that was about it. You can spice up your fights by writing exchanges between yourself and your enemy: you can fire your gun a couple of times, have a small bout of close-combat, take a little damage, give more back, and finish up by shooting the guy point blank in the shoulder. The specifics aren't important, so long as you try to include more action. Keep practicing and imagine describing your favourite movie action scenes to someone who's never watched the movie.

4.5/10

Weegee: I actually really enjoyed your use of Weegee as a fighter, and there's a lot of potential in his character. Good job on acknowledging the damage you took from being shot; unfortunately, since you were stuck writing on your DSi, I can imagine you had a hard time of putting more into that post, but keep trying!

4.9/10

X-3/Blue Toad vs Trickster

X-3/Blue Toad: After reading your first post, all I could think was, "Who are you?" until I re-read it. When introducing your character, it's best to be very clear and explain exactly what we're dealing with. Good work with making some new and interesting attacks, especially with the touch of humour that the Toad didn't really know how to use his stolen weaponry properly. Remember to give some hard attacks, so you're dealing more damage, otherwise it seems like you're just nibbling at the edges instead of engaging in a full-on battle. Nice work.

4.9/10

Trickster: You have a good base for writing, but I was usually left hoping for more attack, more damage, and more exchanges within your posts. It was almost like all your posts were condensed versions of something larger and more epic. I actually really liked the musical touch to your weapon, and you were very clear and understandable when describing it, and its actions.

As an aside, one thing that really stood out to me was the line, "opened his eyes quickly". Generally speaking, using speed-related adverbs (quickly, swiftly, rapidly, and similar words ending in "ly") actually slows down the reading. Instead of saying something happened quickly, try and find an adjective that will give the impression of speed without directly stating it. For example, you could say, "his eyes snapped open", which implies a rapid movement. If you're comfortable leaning towards an exaggerated description, you could go so far as to say things like, "he flung his eyes wide". Since the language is so context-sensitive, you can often use unusual, or even seemingly unfitting words to emphasise a point, and still be perfectly understood.

But, back to the subject of your battle, in future, show us a real beatdown, because I'm pretty sure it will be awesome.

6.3/10

Beta

Phenom vs. Vapor

Vapor advances by default.

I won't judge your opening, Vapor, since you want to use it again in the next round. Good luck.

Speed vs. Psychokid

Psychokid advances by default (where did Speed go?).

Similarly, I won't judge your opening, in case you wish to reuse it.

Acradius vs. Chibimod

Acradius: Aww, man, that was fantabulous reading. You have such a great way of setting the mood for your battles and giving us entertaining tidbits. Attention to detail makes a fight really engaging, but you still need to give a thorough beating to your opponent for it to be a great fight. Well done (and thanks!).

7.5/10

Chibimod: You have to jump into the fray and show us what fighting's all about. I was hoping for more attacks, but there wasn't too many to be found. Be careful about using pronouns too often ("he"); interchange it with your character's name, or a little description (instead of "He continued his trek in silence ...", use, "Kyle continued his trek", or, "The silver- and grey-clad boy continued his trek", just as an example). It's good to keep the description of setting in with the rest of the post, and continue using references to your surroundings throughout your fight.

4.5/10

Repster vs. Lycrios

Repster: Totally aside from judging, you've gotten better at this, yet again. Seeing an improvement in your writing every year is really awesome, Rep, and you should be really proud of how far you've come. I like the flask idiosyncrasy, though I always figured it would take a little time/effort to unscrew the lid. Perhaps not something that can be done in the midst of battle? It made me stop reading and wonder how you could manage that, exactly. And I saw that healing, sir. ;]

6.3/10

Lycrios: I was getting a little lost in all the slashing, but that can (and will) be put down to tiredness on my part. Much as I advised Chibimod, watch your usage of pronouns and substitute some of them with your character's name. It's really too bad you only got one battle post in, as I would have liked to see more from this battle. Good job.

6.2/10

Aaaand that's all from me, folks. Until next round, good luck to everyone.

Disclaimer: It's 1:[strike]45[/strike]50AM, and I've had a long and somewhat ill day. Any incorrect words that may be included in this post are actually a pile of fail (especially grammatical terms), and should be substituted with the correct and appropriate word. Or hey, I may have even got most of it right. I've double checked my scores, and averages, to be certain they are correct at time of posting. Sleepytime naow, and thanks everyone, for your patience and your super writing.

...TRIPLE POST SCORE. <_<
Nonsense, I have not yet begun to defile myself.

User avatar
Galefore
Posts: 9354
Joined: Tue Jan 04, 2005 2:00 am
Location: ur wildest dreems lol

#67

Post by Galefore » Fri Jun 19, 2009 3:57 pm

SCREW YOU LIFE

Turns out I'll only have time to read the battles tonight, not write about them. So judgments should be up before the weekend is over, definitely. Slap me around if they aren't. Seriously.

Joker
Posts: 11081
Joined: Sun Apr 30, 2000 1:00 am
Location: The Planet of Eternal Darkness
Contact:

#68

Post by Joker » Fri Jun 19, 2009 7:05 pm

:catfight:
Image

How about a Magic Trick?? I'm going to make this pencil dissapear !

Acradius
Posts: 963
Joined: Sat Feb 24, 2001 2:00 am
Location: Where Time, Space and Reality fade, and there is l
Contact:

#69

Post by Acradius » Fri Jun 19, 2009 11:28 pm

*Dramatic glasses removal at the appearance of Joker.*
Chaos reigns within. Reflect, repent, and reboot. Order shall return. ~Windows, in Haiku format

User avatar
Repster3
Posts: 5
Joined: Thu May 28, 2009 3:51 pm
Location: Acadia. Don't bother, it's not on the map.

#70

Post by Repster3 » Sat Jun 20, 2009 1:46 am

No effort for the lid on the flask, at all. The threading was meticulously crafted to do so, by him. Also, it's magic. It's a tidbit I don't mention much because it just does not come up. Like the engraving on the inside of the flask and cap. They are there, I just have no reason to mention it as he punches somebody in the face.

User avatar
New! Tazy Ten
Posts: 29322
Joined: Thu Sep 14, 2000 1:00 am
Location: Flipping a Switch
Has thanked: 27 times
Been thanked: 74 times
Contact:

#71

Post by New! Tazy Ten » Sat Jun 20, 2009 1:50 am

I shouldn't look at SD's post right before I post mine. Makes me look soft.

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

S**TS**TS**TS**T

I FORGOT

L007 vs. T3hDarkness

Loot:

The Character was pretty interesting, an elder Deathstroke with Deadpool clouding his mind. I'm sure you would have added to that if you had more posts. Anyway, your attacks are good for your character (or what little I know of Deathstroke), and they were pretty original. You never stated where the two were fighting, which caused me to think you were fighting on the bridge, until you talked about the rocks. Not a big thing, It just caused me to double take for a minute >_>

Either way, it seemed like you were warming up in the first two posts, and went all out on the third. Again, this is why I think you would have done better if you got more posts.

SCORE: 7.5/10

T3h Darkness

Your Opening post was a little confusing to me at first, but I see where you were going with it. A few Grammerical errors were there, but it wasn't anything important. Like Loot, you were warming up with post 1, and started with post 2. You didn't do too much other than a punch and throwing Deathstroke's sword back at him with Alchemy, but you described it well enough. You didn't pay much attention to your surroundings, but again, this is probably because you didn't get enough posts.

So, not alot of posts, but good enough Description in both of them.

SCORE: 7/10

WINNER: L007


Metal Man Vs. Guildmaster

Metal Man

Oh, man, it's like I'm reading three posts at once when I look at your posts now, MM. You had alot of character building, and you seemed to build the environment nicely, from start to finish. I have to say you had complete control of the fight from start to finish. Your character was really strong, and I like how you incorperated your character's powers to counter Bryan's, but didn't make them up. Your last attack was a little weird, but it's not like it was out of character.

So, I liked your posts. Actually, I like your fight. :thumbsup:

SCORE: 9.5

guildmaster

I have to say, you did really good against Metal Man. Even when he threw his creativity around and basically controlled the fight, you fought to the end with your interesting moves, and special abilities. You made a few grammetical errors, but most of them were small at best. I do have to say that your style was kind of hard to follow sometimes, but it didn't take away from all the greatness of this fight.

Also, don't worry about how your opponent thinks of your posts. If they're bad, we'll tell you.

SCORE: 8

WINNER: METAL MAN

IRHP Vs. Weegee

IRHP

Well, I have to say that you did a good job with the character (though it may have just been a generic policeman, you only got two posts in). There wasn't much action, then again I shouldn't expect backflips and beams of light, so you did alright there. You really don't have to quote the last post, because it just unnecessarily lengthens the post, and we can find who you're fighting anyway.

You did a pretty good job. It's not everyday you see someone with normal human capabilities

SCORE: 7.5

Weegee

You did more roleplaying of Naomi then of your character. It was almost like you were both playing the same character in a somewhat weird story. I can understand that your probably just playing to the character, but....well... I can only think you made this character to coincide with Naomi, and nothing else. Heck, if IRHP didn't show his character, you wouldn't have done a Horror Movie Monster.

Also, I hate Horror Movie Monsters.

SCORE: 5

WINNER: IRHP [size=-2]goku eats the sun[/size]

X-3 Vs. Trickster-Kun

X-3

You changed your name back, so I didn't figure that your character was Blue Toad, my bad. Anyway, your character was interesting, what with the Mario related damage that you had within your character. Your attacks were equally weird, so I have to assume your point was to be as weird as possible. You have alot of detail in your actions, as well as posts that wrap up nicely.

In short, you fight well.

SCORE: 8

Trickster-Kun

Your character was pretty good. His fighting style was pretty original and stylish if I do say so myself. You were descriptive, you kept up the believablity of your character. He seemed really powerful, but it's not like Blue Toad ever bothered to hit you. I also liked the little echo thing at the end.

Staff-Gun is awesome too.

SCORE: 8

WINNER: TIE

Phenom Vs. Vapor

Well, hardy har har, it's the egg with the most.

Dr. Eggman, Sonic time to go your toast.

I appear in every act with my Eggman ride.

New Moves, New Plan, No place to hide.

WINNER: VAPOR

Speed Vs. Psychokid

.....Did this fight happen?

No?

Ok.

WINNER: PSYCHOKID

Acradius Vs. Chibimod

Acradius

Well, you most certainly have your sense of humor. Your character's powers mostly stick to one area (although, it seems kind of overpowered when you look at it), and your detail jumps around itself in serious parody. In short: Classic Gunjin Veteran.

SCORE: 8.5

Chibimod

You sure do have the stuff of t3h Darkness on you. You had alot of description in your posts, and you were able to put up a fight against those time powers.

Basic Good Style here.

SCORE: 8

WINNER: ACRADIUS

repster Vs. Lycrios

repster

Repster, you're not making page long posts, what happened? (also, did you lose your password?) Anyway, your character (as always) is different, your writing is detailed, but not afraid to speed things up, and your attacks are interesting.

So, yeah. There wasn't much, but I like what I saw.

SCORE: 9.5

Lycrios

..... Are you and Repster related, or is this a story thing that I was to young to notice? Anyway, you are able to match Repster's style with your own, and for what little you fought, you were able to keep up the pace of the match, almost effortlessly.

I really wanted to see how you would react repster's last post though...

SCORE: 9

WINNER: REPSTER

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Tazy sat in his judges seat, looking at the competitors. Some sneered at his decisions, some cheered, a couple were waiting for Galefore's decision. But something happened. during the break in the announcement between Tazy and Galefore. Tazy Smiled. He felt the vigor of the battle flow back into him.

For what felt like months, he was losing his will to fight, he was almost incapable of accepting any challenge out of boredom, combining with utter laziness. He didn't see it. He didn't see the glamour between the hoards of generic pretty warriors, bloodthristy monsters, and emotional children with secret powers. But now, in the judges seat, he saw it again. He saw the will, the power, the sheer brilliance of the Gunjin.

Tazy put his feet on the desk. He was back. Back in [strike]Black[/strike] Red.

User avatar
Trickster-kun
Posts: 105
Joined: Mon Jun 25, 2007 8:30 pm
Location: I moved. Somewhere.
Contact:

#72

Post by Trickster-kun » Sat Jun 20, 2009 2:00 am

OH **** A TIE.

THE PLOT THICKENS. Dun dun dun. >:

User avatar
Saria Dragon of the Rain Wilds
Administrator
Posts: 34009
Joined: Sat Jul 15, 2000 1:00 am
Location: Forteresse de Valois
Has thanked: 22 times
Been thanked: 26 times

#73

Post by Saria Dragon of the Rain Wilds » Sat Jun 20, 2009 4:08 am

You did great with your judging, Tazy. You weren't "soft" or anything like that. :)

And I totally know what you mean; it's been a long ass time since I last battled, and it's kind of like a magnet once you're here. I'll just pour that into my book, I suppose. There are meant to be some epic fighting scenes, after all. XD

*shakes pompoms* C'mon Gale, c'mon Gale, c'mon Gale, wooooooo.
Nonsense, I have not yet begun to defile myself.

User avatar
Repster3
Posts: 5
Joined: Thu May 28, 2009 3:51 pm
Location: Acadia. Don't bother, it's not on the map.

#74

Post by Repster3 » Sat Jun 20, 2009 3:45 pm

I did not forget my password. Almost 9 years I used that password... nine years already, I feel old... My account just stopped working. From what I gathered It's the ™ thing on it, since the second account I made JUST to sign up stopped working as soon as I logged out...

However, after a few days of no response when I posted in the registration help forum, I used the "I forgot my username" little form to have my password reset and e-mailed to me. Never got the email. I tried a few more times different days, and nothing. So... yeah. Don't know what it could be, but I did not forget it.

As for Lycrios, we're not related, we just hang out. These two however, Aidan and his little girl, have a history.

User avatar
Metal Man
Posts: 17964
Joined: Sun Apr 23, 2000 1:00 am
Location: 1592 Miles Away From Here
Contact:

#75

Post by Metal Man » Sat Jun 20, 2009 3:50 pm

Then from what I gather, a database query to manually remove the ™ would make it work again.
Super Smash Quest: Fighting evil since 2002.

User avatar
Saria Dragon of the Rain Wilds
Administrator
Posts: 34009
Joined: Sat Jul 15, 2000 1:00 am
Location: Forteresse de Valois
Has thanked: 22 times
Been thanked: 26 times

#76

Post by Saria Dragon of the Rain Wilds » Sun Jun 21, 2009 2:06 am

Rep, I've tried sending you a new password. Perhaps I had the wrong email? Well, since you have a new account, I can always PM it to you, so let me know if you get it, okay?
Nonsense, I have not yet begun to defile myself.

Acradius
Posts: 963
Joined: Sat Feb 24, 2001 2:00 am
Location: Where Time, Space and Reality fade, and there is l
Contact:

#77

Post by Acradius » Sun Jun 21, 2009 2:20 am

Ok judges, this might be a weird request, but can I get any one of you to post just how you judge? Like, how much certain things count for or against, what have you. I'm trying to start up a forum RPG, and I'd like an official scale to use.
Chaos reigns within. Reflect, repent, and reboot. Order shall return. ~Windows, in Haiku format

User avatar
Saria Dragon of the Rain Wilds
Administrator
Posts: 34009
Joined: Sat Jul 15, 2000 1:00 am
Location: Forteresse de Valois
Has thanked: 22 times
Been thanked: 26 times

#78

Post by Saria Dragon of the Rain Wilds » Sun Jun 21, 2009 6:02 am

Judging is a very personal experience, Acradius. Each person deems different aspects as more or less important than the next person does. For instance, I try to keep people's spelling and grammar as far removed from my judging as possible, but I remember other judges who have based a lot, if not most of their point-scoring on the writing aspect itself. Personally, I believe this is primarily a battling tournament, with writing as the medium. If someone really knows how to kick ass, but has poor to standard writing skills, which should win out in this kind of scenario? Sure, you need to have a comprehendible writing experience (ie, no one can tell what in the crap is going on, you're not going to get very far, right?), but this isn't English class. ;) We've had quite a few battlefielders where English is their second language, and I don't feel that should negatively impact the way I judge them.

So, what do I base my scoring on? Firstly, damage. Damage you give, damage you take, how much you acknowledge the injuries you have been given, etc. Again, this is primarily a battle first, and everything else second. Just like if this were a grand duel in a colosseum, the winner is the person who beats the other guy up. Due to fairness rules, etc, we don't allow cheapness and godmodding, so you're expected to take a lot of bad hits, too (my approach is to assume both battlers are equally experienced/powerful). You more or less get a better score for writing more damage into your posts- if you attack, then write a counter-attack, then attack again, I'll be pretty pleased.

Secondly, originality, innovation, detail and entertainment factors. You can't just stand there punching and kicking and declare it a great battle. I expect there to be certain aspects in the battle outside of the blows themselves. For example, interesting attacks, well-described actions, use of settings in a creative manner, things like that. Basically, how imaginative the person has been in their delivery of the battle.

Other things I take into account are: did the person read their opponent's post properly and respond accordingly (ie. you attacked someone with a firerod and your post ended up with them on fire- if they ignore the fire completely, their unfortunate reading conprehension will be noted)? Did they show respect for you and your character (I don't approve of people making their opponent out to be a total idiot; again, stepping back to the assumption that they are equal roles)? Was most of their action in the realm of believability, and if not, did they explain why (if I'm left wondering how in the hell something happened, it usually means someone has left out some important detail)?

If you were to adapt judging to another format, such as a role playing situation, you would need to establish what is paramount to the theme. Is it having very unique characters? Is it having a well thought-out story? Is it how interesting they behave? Or is it how creative they are in solving problems? How much does their delivery technique matter (amature writing vs. semi-professional grade writing)? Once you've got a good idea of what you consider most important to the game, then you have a good basis on what you're judging.

From that point, you've got the 10 point scale: 1 being oh my god that caused physical pain it was that bad, 5 being an average, 10 being the best thing you've ever read in your life. Most scores from serious battlers fall between 6 and 9. I don't know if I've ever awarded a full 10 to any post. ;) I think the lowest I've awarded has been a 3. If you feel that's too restrictive, you can have any point scale you want: 1-30. 1-50, 1-100, anything. On a scale of Spider Monkey to Moose, you rank about a Llama.

Of course, once you've judged each post individually, you add the scores together, divide by the amount of posts, and you've got your average. Honestly, sometimes I adjust the final score to reflect a person's overall acheivement (one weak post, usually the opening, can significantly effect an otherwise excellent score).

Hopefully that helps you some, dooder. If you have any specific questions, feel free to ask, and I'll try and answer as best I can.
Nonsense, I have not yet begun to defile myself.

User avatar
Greenmarioman
Posts: 18104
Joined: Sat Jul 01, 2006 8:16 pm
Location: the leather club two blocks down
Contact:

#79

Post by Greenmarioman » Sun Jun 21, 2009 3:08 pm

I didn't get to shine in this battle. :(

User avatar
Galefore
Posts: 9354
Joined: Tue Jan 04, 2005 2:00 am
Location: ur wildest dreems lol

#80

Post by Galefore » Sun Jun 21, 2009 4:48 pm

'Kay guys, gonna divvy this up by couples of fights and by division. Here's my first couple of judgements, gonna have the last four soon.




ALPHA DIVISION BATTLES
Battle 1: L007 vs T3hDarkness


Loot: Not much to work with here. I like your use of Deathstroke, one of the coolest comic characters ever, and the Deadpool cameo. But since neither of you really got the fight off the ground, I can't truly judge based on that. Instead, I'll take it to description and grammar. You did better there. You win this round.

Score: 6.5

TD: You had a few errors in spelling and grammar that could have been avoided by proofreading your insanely short posts, and that slight oversight is what lost this battle for you. I like your character, but since he only got one solid attack in and since we didn't get to see those signature wires of his fully loosed, I can't really give it to you based on your character. Sorry, dude.

Score: 6.0


Battle 2: Metal Man vs. Guildmaster


Metal Man: “DANG IT!” Okay, sorry. I'll be short with yours, since there's not much to say. Metal Man's approach to things never fails to interest me, his sparks of insanity are really fun. I love the inclusion of a mysterious immortal time coachman guy. Yours and Bryan's use of the environment was also an amusing fixture of this fight. Good fun. My problems with you are simple: there are places that I could tell were rushed, and places that needed a good proofreading. As well, the flow of your actual attacks was weird, in that you mostly just went “I AM IRROOOOON MAAAAAN” and marched forward before pulling out the ultrabazooka and doing some pretty awesome damage. Either way, good show, MM.

Score: 7.5

Guildmaster: “ERROE”. Okay, sorry. But still, the mixture of script form and prose was jarring at best, ridiculous at worst. You did a good enough job actually attacking after a while, but there were a lot of dry spells and too much talking. You're in a village street thing with an angry Metal knight, and MM actually had to damage himself more than you did in the early runnings. There should have been far more action early on, but whatever. The mouthbombs were badass enough, and all of your attacks were thought out well enough. On the negative side, there were a few unrealistic actions from the civilians and your character was a little wooden (Who is he? Why is he able to create things from air? Is he a Time Cop? Why is he fighting?). There was an inconsistency in your style of presenting speech, seeing as sometimes you'd use script format and other times you'd just sort of expect the reader to know who was talking. That is a bad, bad thing. There grammatical errors were jarring as well, but a spell checker and some proofreading could have dealt with the majority of them. The sudden ear piece was weird, but I like that you included the rules as part of the story. Overall, however, your performance wasn't quite as interesting as MM's.

Also wtf “Italian Hair”? If I didn't know you personally, I'd have been weirded out by that. Try “dark, curly hair” or anything more descriptive than “Italian”, since that can mean a lot of things. Then later in the battle you proceed to tell us of his long Spike Spiegal hair. So then I was like 'o wow'.
Score: 6.0

Locked

Return to “Gunjin: The Battlefield”