The worst reviews. (2)

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supperdish
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The worst reviews. (2)

#1

Post by supperdish » Wed Feb 26, 2003 7:02 pm

Everyone knows how this works? Here's a reminder. You review a game and only put it's downsides and make the review negative in anyways possible. The review system:

1 :mad: =This game is barely any good.
2 :mad: =The game is crap.
3 :mad: =CRAPITY CRAP!
4 :mad: =Why did they make this? It's HELL!
5 :mad: =Torture this game that is a B*tch
6 :mad: =DIE! MAY BLOOD REST ON YOUR CARTRAIGE/DISK!
7 :mad: =AAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH. This game is Satan in pixels
8 :mad: =WORST GAME EVER! DEMOLISH, DESTROY, CRAP ON, USE AS A DOG TOY, DO WHATEVER TO REMOVE THIS PEICE OF SH*T!

Okay:

Metroid: Prime

[ August 01, 2003, 10:53 AM: Message edited by: Shadow jr. sez EAT VEGGATABBLES NOW ]

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#2

Post by ANDROSS » Sat Mar 08, 2003 10:30 am

:mad: :mad: :mad: :mad:

Metroid Prime
This game got all 10s from EGM if I remember correctly.WHAT ARE THEY SMOKING?!It's made by a bunch of hicks who probably haven't played a metroid game in their life.They tried to make a Halo sequel,is what they did.The plot is a pathetic excuse to go around in a huge boring landscape blasting stupid looking fungus men.The enemies are seriously stupid.I was waiting for one to come up to me and say "TAKE ME TO YOUR LEADER EARTHLING".It would be more fun trying to control a square shaped bowling ball than this rubbish.This "game" is far too easy.It even gives you a autolock feature.What the heck.This is a FPS,not...A Mario game!Even mario games don't have autolock.This game almost put me to sleep.Wow.Ice laser.Wow.Regular laser.Wow.electric laser.Excuse me while I jump for joy.I wanted to dig my eyes out with an ice pick while playing this game and you will too,if you play this smoldering piece of trash.

How was that? :D
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#3

Post by supperdish » Sun Mar 09, 2003 12:00 pm

^Good. But what's the next game you want to review?

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#4

Post by Yoshimaster007 » Wed Mar 12, 2003 10:40 pm

^Andross, Metroid Prime was made by the same people who made all the other games. And yeah, all the beams Samus can obtain in Prime are in Super Metroid, and some are in the original. Other than that, good.

Mario Party 4

:mad: :mad: :mad:

What we have here is a third sequel, yes ladies and gentlemen, a THIRD sequel, to an incredibly old game on the N64.

What I have to say to Nintendo is... c'mon! A game where a buch of Mario characters run around a poorly designed game board and play cheesy mini-games can only be used so many times without getting old. Well, now we have a fourth Mario Party, and it's been old ever since Mario Party 2.

But of course, to hide this game's rancid staleness, it does its best to make the graphics the best on the Gamecube. Well, they sort of succeeded, so now we have an incredibly good-looking, incredibly stale game.

And the mini-games? Oh, don't get me started. It's as if Nintendo hired a bunch of monkeys to be their design team. There's this one where the characters have to breathe in as much air as they can, then see how long they can stay underwater. Give me a break! And, as always, they beef up the graphics in an attempt to cover the games' lameness.

But possibly the worst of all are the characters themselves. Like all other Gamecube games save Smash Bros. Melee, Mario sounds like he's inhaled helium, and looks like he gained twenty pounds. Luigi is almost as bad, but he seems to have LOST twenty pounds. And Yoshi... omg! What happened? Yoshi has also gained twenty pounds! And Nintendo finally decided to paste his incredibly annoying baby voice into this game, which has traditionally used the original Yoshi sounds. The game also has Waluigi and Daisy, the first who's been around less than President Bush and the second who's been on hiatus for a decade.

Bottom line, DO NOT GET THIS GAME! There are plenty of other better titles on the cube. Even if you like the series, don't get it! After all, half the mini-games are rehashes.

I hope there isn't a Mario Party 5. That'll just be proof that the world is goin' in a handbasket.

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#5

Post by Dark Magus » Wed Mar 12, 2003 11:24 pm

I love Metroid Prime. So if we like any of these games, we still rate it bad?

What are YOU smoking?!
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#6

Post by A Genius » Wed Mar 12, 2003 11:27 pm

I think you misunderstood. Reread the first post in this topic.

-A Genius (Not the first time that happened in a Worst Reviews topic.)

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#7

Post by MarioMan* » Sun Mar 30, 2003 4:34 pm

Chrono Trigger
:mad: :mad: :mad: :mad: :mad:

WHAT IS THIS?!?! This game just sucks all around. The entire plot is some evil dude named Lavos is gonna destroy the world, and the only people who can stop it is a princess, a geek, a frog, a cavewoman who is in love with cats from Zero Wing, a R2D2 ripoff, a Grim Reaper ripoff, and a teenager who needs a haircut BADLY. Seriously, the battles get repetive, the jokes are lame, and the game is near impossible. Also, the story and side quests are too confusing, and really, isn't the Masamune used enough? I've got a Japaneese restruant named the Masamune. When I played it, it was impossible to beat that Godess-forsaken Dragon Tank. And why a Teen? Atleast FF6 for the SNES had adults! The only thing I liked about this was the music.

All-in-all, this game just had to be the one of ghosts that haunts me. This game should be burned, smashed, used as a baseball in the Majors, and sent to the Green Berets for target practice and toilet paper. It's that bad. I'm sorry if I insulted anyone with this review, but I'm stating my opinion. Thank you for listening, and if you didn't, screwball you.

How's that?
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#8

Post by A Genius » Sun Mar 30, 2003 4:49 pm

^Good.

Phantasy Star (The first, if you're slow)

:mad: :mad: :mad: :mad: :mad:

AHRG! This game is stupid! iT DOESN'T GIVE YOU ANY DIRECTION ON WHERE TO GO! And those dungeons are the STUPID! Why don't they put in a map like any other Developer?!?/1 And there are only 4 characters! Any GOOOoID RPG has st least 15! Buy Chrono Cross. Now that game is l337!

-A Genius (I love this topic.)

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#9

Post by spicy » Sun Mar 30, 2003 6:42 pm

Somebody review Twisted Metal Black.
Your moonpod\'s showing

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#10

Post by Codiekitty » Sun Mar 30, 2003 10:35 pm

Castlevania

:mad: :mad: :mad: :mad:

Simon doesn't have a face, can't jump, and can't aim his damn whip! And what the hell? A whip?! Why can't he have a sword like Alucard? HOW IN THE HELL DID CASTLEVANIA GET SO POPULAR?!

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#11

Post by Dark Magus » Sun Mar 30, 2003 11:55 pm

Originally posted by MarioMan* Got A Gameboy Advanced:
Chrono Trigger
:mad: :mad: :mad: :mad: :mad:

WHAT IS THIS?!?! This game just sucks all around. The entire plot is some evil dude named Lavos is gonna destroy the world, and the only people who can stop it is a princess, a geek, a frog, a cavewoman who is in love with cats from Zero Wing, a R2D2 ripoff, a Grim Reaper ripoff, and a teenager who needs a haircut BADLY. Seriously, the battles get repetive, the jokes are lame, and the game is near impossible. Also, the story and side quests are too confusing, and really, isn't the Masamune used enough? I've got a Japaneese restruant named the Masamune. When I played it, it was impossible to beat that Godess-forsaken Dragon Tank. And why a Teen? Atleast FF6 for the SNES had adults! The only thing I liked about this was the music.

All-in-all, this game just had to be the one of ghosts that haunts me. This game should be burned, smashed, used as a baseball in the Majors, and sent to the Green Berets for target practice and toilet paper. It's that bad. I'm sorry if I insulted anyone with this review, but I'm stating my opinion. Thank you for listening, and if you didn't, screwball you.

How's that?
Okay, now obviously you must be dumb as a post if you can't understand Chrono Trigger's storyline.
And Magus, a grim reaper ripoff? The only thing they have in common is the weapon. Crono needing a haircut? AKIRA TORIYAMA helped with the game, it shouldn't come as a shock.

You sir, are a dumbass.
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\"Call it what you like.\"

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#12

Post by CaptHayfever » Mon Mar 31, 2003 3:12 am

^No, see, you're supposed to write a bad review, no matter how good the game is.

And remember, "I'm-a Luigi, number one!"

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#13

Post by Parrakarry » Mon Mar 31, 2003 5:08 pm

The Legend of Zelda: The Wind Waker

:mad: :mad: :mad: :mad: :mad: :mad: :mad: :mad:

YES, THIS GAME GOT 8 MAD SMILIES AND IT DESERVED IT!!! It's CRAP. I've never PLAYED it but I KNOW it's crap because of the GRAPHICS. They SUCK!!! CELL-SHADED?!?! WTF?!?! Good gameplay HAHAHA WHO GIVES A DOG CRAP??? Everyone knows that GRAPHICS are what make a game!!! THIS GAME IS PURE SUCKY. And a CONDUCTER'S WAND?!?! WTF. And it's SO unoriginal! According to the (CRAPPY) screenshots, you collect three jewels (Hmm...) then put them in three pedestals (Hmmmm...) then get the Master Sword (This sounds a little familiar), then GO TO A BUNCH OF "TEMPLES". Now, OoT scored a 3 on the Madness scale, because it wasn't TOO bad, but this? This is a remake WITH TRASHY GRAPHICS, TOO!!! WHAT HAS THE WORLD COME TOO???

In conclusion, X-box is the GREATEST SYSTEM ever, because IT HAS THE BEST GRAPHICS!! KIDDY-CUBE HAS SUCKY GRAPHICS THEREFORE SUCKS!!!
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#14

Post by Dark Magus » Mon Mar 31, 2003 10:21 pm

^WOAH. This guy does a damn good impression of an stubborn *****y X-Box fanboy.
\"Hobbes, what do you think happens to us when we die?\"
\"I think we play saxophone for an all-girl cabaret in New Orleans.\"
\"So you believe in heaven?\"
\"Call it what you like.\"

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#15

Post by Parrakarry » Mon Mar 31, 2003 11:27 pm

(Thank you, thank you)

Metroid Prime

:mad: :mad: :mad: :mad: :mad: :mad:

This game's graphics were OKAY I suppose. But the main character from HALO (I've never played it, only seen the graphics, so I don't know his name) could OBVIOUSLY blow THIS piece-of-crap robot out of the SKY. I don't know how the game PLAYS but it's graphics are FAR worse than Halo's so 6 mad smilies.
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#16

Post by Yoshimaster007 » Mon Mar 31, 2003 11:46 pm

^Kewl! i wanna impersonate a brainless X-box fanboy!!

Super Mario Sunshine

:mad: :mad: :mad: :mad: :mad:

THIS GAME IS THE ****TT!1111 MAIEOR IS CARRYING ARODUHDN TSHS ST00PID WATTER TNAKSN THTEAT SH--TS TEH STUPID WATERT ATHA TEH STUPID FAG0-T PURPELAFD PPL THSI IS THE STU0PIDEST GAJMEA EVURR X-BOX IS 1337 W00T MAIROA IS SUXX0RS DOOD1111 AALLLZ HYS GAMESS SUXX0RS BYU HAOLO FUGGAT1111

Ok, real bad review...

Super Mario Sunshine

:mad: :mad: :mad:

With this game, Nintendo officially threw out everything that was Mario. The only real Mario characters here are Mario, Peach, Toad(or something like him), and Yoshi(who has been mutated and deformed beyond recognition). Everyone else looks like the sort of bruised and rotten fruit grocery stores throw out, but in a kind of crappy cell shading.

But, SURELY the PLOT must be good!... nope, sorry my friend. Mario goes to an island for a vacation(forget Dinosaur Land people, this is Delfino Island). There, the stupid bumpkins mistake him for a liquid kind of a Mario impersonater, who barely looks like Mario at all. Now, Mario has to clean up the impersonater's mess with a hose. Are you getting this?? Now Mario's a janitor! I thought he was a plumber, but no, a janitor.

There are all sorts of stupid, nonsensicle plot twists in this game, like the liquid Mario turning out to be someone else, Bowser showing up(and his story doesn't fit in the Mario timeline either) and so on.

And as if the game couldn't get any worse, the camera angle is terrible, Mario is high on helium, the controls are hardly as good as SM64's, and the graphix suck. Trust me, if you want a Mario game for your Gamecube, buy SSB Melee or wait for Super Mario 128.

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#17

Post by Guardian Link » Thu Apr 03, 2003 1:42 am

Earthbound

:mad: :mad: :mad: :mad: :mad: :mad: :mad: :mad:

This game is so lame- wait, who am I kidding? It is lame. No point doing a fake review on it then.

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#18

Post by Sabrilocke » Fri Apr 04, 2003 1:32 pm

Gundam Battle Assault 2 - :mad: :mad: :mad: :mad: :mad: :mad: :mad:

I'VE SEEN CAT FECES THAT ARE MORE PLOT-FILLED AND ENJOYABLE THAN THIS GAME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!11111111111111111111111111111111!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!111111111!!!!!!!!!!!!111!!!!!!!!oneoneoneoneoneone!!!!!!!11111111

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#19

Post by Mista Massimiliano » Fri Apr 04, 2003 6:00 pm

Doom
:mad: :mad: :mad: :mad: :mad: :mad:
This game is freaking pathetic. Bad graphics, ugly characters, tons of useless gore and blood, and a heck of a stupid bunch of guns. "Quadrouple Barrel Shotgun"? "Blaster"? What a waste of time.

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#20

Post by supperdish » Fri Apr 04, 2003 7:41 pm

About time I do one of these in my own topic:

Super Mario Brothers 3

:mad: :mad: :mad: :mad: :mad: :mad:

WTF. They call this Miyafucto's greatest creation, and all it is are 2 fat ugly Italian plumpers who jump on walking turtles and mushrooms, and at the end try to make a "gamble" for items. My ass.

The graphics made my have to get glasses and contacts. It's that bad. And we all know that graphics make the world go round. SO WHY CANT NINNYTENDO MAKE SOME QUAZI-QUALITY GRAPHICS?! WTF!

The ending is crap. This load of sh*t is the ending. After you beat a turtle that stands up (Good usage of actual info, Nintendo. :rolleyes: ) and fires hammers at you, and you die. NINTENDO HAS MARMOSETS AT THE CONTROLS. Oh, and the turtle has spikes on his shell. HOW SCARY! -_-. After you kill him with a RACCOON TAIL. (What in the heck are they smoking? Weed crack?) You meet a clay object this is somehow supposed to be a princess. Kill me now.

The thing that gave this 7 faces instead of 8 is the KIDS AND THE "DOOM"SHIPS. The 7 kids of Bowser (Oh he's horny. Get it?) and they control huge warships. THIS ALONE IS THE ONLY GOOD PART.)

All in all, avoid as much as possible. If you actually play this game, you may want to play a game more your level, perhaps like Mario is Missing. Of course, THAT'LL take you a couple decades. All in all: Mario sucks. If you like Mario, you suck.

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So how was that? ^_^

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